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User talk:TheAzumangaDaiohFan
/Archive 1/ /Archive 2/ /Archive 3/ /Archive 4/ /Archive 5/ /Archive 6/ /Archive 7/ /Archive 8/ /Archive 9/ /Archive 10/ /Archive 11/ Day After Tomorrow is the Day! I promise that I haven't forgotten! I'll get back to you on it on Wednesday :D [[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 15:03, March 27, 2017 (UTC) :I am around halfway through the updated version and I like it so far. I really liked the part where Earl mentions that it is customary for one to get badges to even make it to Kanto. It seems to foreshadow that Emily will go around collecting badges, but doesn't lock her in to needing to. She can decide to go do something else part way through if she desires. I would suggest removing the 'Ehh.' at the end of the very first paragraph, but that's just my opinion on it. :I'm going to bed soon, but I'll try to get through the rest of it after I wake up or tomorrow. I've had a lot of doctor appointments (dad's) to go to recently, and I'm sick on top of everything else. I've been feeling really guilty about taking so long and you've been super patient, therefore I wanted to let you know that I remembered and read through some of it. Thank you for being really cool about this. [[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 23:11, March 30, 2017 (UTC) ::Yay, Onix! I like how you are describing the Pokemon as animals rather than simply going by name. It takes more effort and would give newcomers a better perspective than just a name. I like how dark it got, that was entirely unexpected by me. You made that Onix downright terrifying XD Good work! [[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 02:13, April 1, 2017 (UTC) :::Good choice, good choice! Thanks, I have been trying to write a lot in my spare time. It is difficult for me to do a lot these days, have lots of headaches. :::The world always needs more "good" romance stories! I liked Turtles in Time, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Arcade is still my favorite (first video game and first video game I beat). :::I thought that was what you were going for with the "Ehh", but it felt really out of place to me. That said, I always encourage comedy - even in dark works - when it can be managed. I bet you could find other places to stick comical occurrences :) [[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 07:36, April 3, 2017 (UTC) ::I say go for it. One thing I like about Tomoko, the lead character from Watamote, is that she occasionally does shit things (like not delivering her brother's High School Application like she was supposed to, so that he'd have to stay near her). We all do bad things every once in a while, even if we don't mean to or realize it. That's what makes us human. Points for realism? XD [[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 01:28, April 5, 2017 (UTC) :I like what you got, but you might look into shortening the plagiarism bits into a couple sentences (like maybe mention the topic she is doing and that she plagiarizes it). The description of her going about plagiarism is a tad bit long and doesn't add any tension as is, in my opinion. Hmm... I think you should have the server lady catch her, but have her slip away in some sort of comical fashion since it is a Romance. [[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 02:00, April 6, 2017 (UTC) Oh, okay! Makes total sense :D I think that's a great decision. I was starting to wonder if you were feeling it anymore on the Cape Cod Pasta, like, you just kept getting stuck/taking breaks from it. I don't know, it just felt like you were forcing yourself to do something you weren't enjoying. I hope that things go smoothly for 'Cut Content' and the Pokemon Story! I love this. That reads so... right. She does something shitty (the fake money, tho really, the hotel is being shitty with their prices XD) and then goes to be apologetic/nice (with the all sorrys). It perfectly showcases how flawed and sympathetic she is. The guy giving up the bike without a fuss is comical as well, which counteracts the rather dark situation at hand. [[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 04:14, April 12, 2017 (UTC) Shear Madness I've read that seal pups are initially afraid of the water. It's like with people- new things can be scary at first, but then you adjust. Oh, bless Shrek's heart! I'm glad his wool went to a good cause, and he looked so cute after he was sheared! I was sad to learn of his passing. The quote I don't get from the article is, “He looked like some biblical creature.” Um, well, yes, sheep are creatures that appear often in the Bible. I do daily Bible study and I don't understand what he was implying with that line. I wonder what kinds of illustrations his Bible has. In case you didn't see it, Diex left the following message on my page: "Vegetarians are people who don't consume meat at all, pescetarians are vegetarians who only consume fish meat or other seafood and vegans don't consume animal products at all. The one in the last category can be very dogmatic and delusional in their beliefs. Diex with the latest useless facts of the day." Not to rag on vegans, but I have to agree that there are vegans who are delusional. By the way, there was once a vegan restaurant at the Dayton Mall, and it had a screen talking about celebrities who were vegan. I had to laugh, though, because one of the ones they showed had been in rehab for drug addiction. I think that kind of defeated the purpose of running the ad. Raidra (talk) 15:17, March 27, 2017 (UTC) Happy 2000! Hey, I was leaving a note on Vroom's page and saw you'd left a message! Congrats on the milestone! ~blows party horn~ ~laughs~ Ah, the Pokemon edition of the Bible! of course! Yes, I remember that. Hmm... my favorites are Hats Off for Super Sloth, This Story is Brought to You by Sloths, and Kenji and Yuki: A Japanese Tale. I'm leaning toward "Hats Off for Super Sloth". In honesty I kind of hesitated putting in that line because I know some things you never quite get used too (You just maybe get less anxious). I hate needles too, and I couldn't even look the first time a doctor drew my blood. The weird thing is I'm a blood donor (so situations like this don't happen). I've done it a number of times over the years and I still get nervous. A friend of mine once told me that the thing they put in your arm for blood donation technically isn't a needle (He said it was a hard plastic tube) and I thought, "It stings like a needle, so big deal!" I use a trick I learned from a nurse when I was little and had to get my booster shots. The nurse counts to three. On three you blow like you're blowing out a million candles, and that's when they insert the needle. I've found that this helps. Raidra (talk) 16:24, March 29, 2017 (UTC) :Yesterday we stopped at a restaurant for milkshakes and the restaurant's claw machine included a couple plush sloths. The weird thing is they were black and white. I'm sure there can be melanic sloths, but making a toy sloth black seems like an odd choice. The same machine also had light brown bears and plush llamas in a variety of colorful patterns (polka dots, army camouflage, tie-dye fluorescent green, etc.), so I don't know why the company didn't make the sloths either natural color or some whimsical color. Say what you want to about the Stoner Sloth public service announcements, but at least the people who made those knew what color sloths usually are. Raidra (talk) 22:41, March 30, 2017 (UTC) Shiny sloths I've seen plotlines like that done time and time again, but do what you want. That joke made me look up the shiny forms of the Slakoth line. I have no problems with Slakoth and Vigoroth, but, as I noted here, Slaking is one of my least favorites. I noted, "I can take an ugly Pokemon, but ugly and useless?" I swear, if I face a Slaking on Pokemon Showdown, I'm going to wreck it so hard. Raidra (talk) 16:27, March 31, 2017 (UTC) :I'll have to sit this one out. No offense, but I really don't have any interest in this story, and thus I can't offer criticism, good or bad. Don't let that stop you, though. Like I said, do what you want. In my art and writing I do a lot of things simply because I want to do them. People have different tastes, and I appreciate your understanding. "However, what I think makes or breaks romance stories is the main couple themselves. I think this is because it is a type of story/genre where character development is extremely important. I mean if the couple shares little to no chemistry with one another or there's not a whole lot of character development going on, the whole thing falls apart." I think you're right. There have been a lot of couples that are put together for no discernible reason, and you wonder, "Why were these two put together?" :Hey, at least her experience at the all-you-can-eat buffet went better than this- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qioaVomhDDA. I'm actually disappointed that they cut the clip short because the full version has him eating other things, including an old boot filled with wasabi. :"But I think we can agree that the story will be a better romance tale than Fifty Shades." That's a given! What confuses me is that people gushed about the books, but then when the movie came out, they talked about how terrible the whole thing was. I agree, but why weren't you all saying all that before? What, it's okay for a literary character to be abused, but not a film character? Part of it may be because a domestic abuse awareness group spoke out before the film's premiere (They'd probably spoken out about the books before then, but they got more attention because of the movie premiere), but if you're going to criticize abuse, you should criticize it regardless of the medium. YouTuber Linkara did a video criticizing the incredibly horrible Avengers#200 (I cannot describe how terrible an issue this is, but I can try if you want me too, or at least give you the link to the 41-minute video), and someone commented, "We found it guys, a love story that is worse than Twilight." :I came across this article and had a flashback to Yo Yogi. Raidra (talk) 21:54, March 31, 2017 (UTC) Fifty Shades of Shade Thank you for that. :-D I appreciate your understanding because, like you joked about, there are people out there who throw fits and resort to name-calling if someone isn't completely fixated on everything they're doing. How are the other drafts coming along? I'd forgotten that Fifty Shades started as Twilight fan-fiction. That fact is yet another reason to hate both things. I'm glad that there are other people, men and women, who have the guts to say, "Hey, this is trash!" and not gush about it just because it's gotten attention. "An original work, and said to us that James had warranted the books were, indeed original." I don't fully understand what this sentence is trying to say, so you know it's a bad sign for a book when a publisher says something this inane and confusing. It says a lot that a member of the BDSM community spoke out against it. I imagine most people in that community are royally ticked off when someone tries to excuse or condone abuse of any kind. By the way, was that a clip of David Bowie in that Goodreads review? The hair looked familiar. Jeff Foxworthy once said he was on airplane and got a look at some women's magazine. A poll of readers claimed the ideal fantasy man was "a dangerous man". Jeff noted, "The women who said that were probably thinking of James Bond or somebody, but in real life when you get a dangerous man you end up with him being led away in handcuffs while you lean out the window shouting, 'Lock him up! Lock his *** up!'" Since I want to end on a non-Fifty Shades note, here's this- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyxRf5CAFio Raidra (talk) 03:07, April 1, 2017 (UTC) Sheep Hut for One I think that one Bowie cameo was infinitely better than anything you'll find in the entire Fifty Shades series. You may have known this already, but I just recently found out that his eyes were different. It turns out that when he was in school, he and one of his mates fought over a girl. Bowie's left eye was injured, and as a result the pupil was always enlarged. The smell of cherries is a great touch because of the Japanese connection to cherry trees and blossoms. Speaking of the most Japanese things in the games, you know how Erica is one of the most Japanese gym leaders? Well, a day or two ago I saw a Let's Play Pokemon Blue video by Johneawesome in which he decided to give Erica the voice of a slightly manic and phlegmy British gentleman. I just cracked up because of how incongruous it was. Here's another funny Pokemon video I found recently- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mGTrcENUtQ. Even if you decide not to try posting it, I'd like to read the ending if you decide to finish it. Sometimes you come across a sentence that reads like there's a word missing. That sentence sounds like it has at least a couple whole clauses missing. "I looked up this quote on Google and I found a search result that's about the history of LSD." Well, that says it all, doesn't it? That's a very good point, and they should totally do that in an episode! There was an episode of Batman: The Animated Series with three robbers called Fox, Shark, and Vulture. It turned out that they were all successful businessmen born into rich families, and they started committing robberies because they were bored. The episode ended with the leader claiming that he'd never end up in prison, and then him in prison. X-D I saw some reviewer claim, "Oh, their motivations were stupid!" and I thought, "Well, that's the point!" There are some criminals who feel driven to commit crime for a number of reasons, but others do it for a thrill, or to hurt people, and it's foolish to assume all criminals have the same kind of background and motivation. Raidra (talk) 19:06, April 2, 2017 (UTC) :Your commentary reminded me of something else. I recently became a fan of Yamcha from Dragon Ball Z. Yeah, I know the jokes, like, "Magikarp vs. Yamcha! Magikarp used Splash! Yamcha fainted!" Well, I recently found out that there are Bulma & Vegeta fan-fics which paint Yamcha as a horribly abusive monster and Vegeta as a knight in shining armor. That's unfair to Yamcha and dismissive of the source material, so needless to say Yamcha fans hate that kind of fan-fiction (even if they accept the pairing of Bulma and Vegeta). It took me a while to find it, but here's a comic someone made in rebuttal- http://aremke.deviantart.com/art/Popular-Misconceptions-182512823. Raidra (talk) 23:28, April 2, 2017 (UTC) For the love of bread I'm about to go to bed, so I'll have to cut this short for now, but I'll explain so you don't have to wonder all night. The commentary I was referring to was about how some people (presumably without reading the book or seeing the movies) assume Fifty Shades is a great romance story simply because it has a rich guy showing interest in a girl. I think the same line of thought is at work in those Yamcha-bashing Bulma X Vegeta stories, like, "So, Bulma had a child with Vegeta, so he must be very romantic and Yamcha must be scum, hur-de-hur!" Raidra (talk) 04:07, April 3, 2017 (UTC) Hot dog with catch-up Okay, here we go! That's an interesting voice for Erica, and it's honestly the least weird thing about that video. "The best part though? She falls asleep a lot!" "Weepinbell, use- ~falls asleep~" The sad thing is I can see people trying that. On a related note, anytime someone gets their eyes dilated (at the optometrist's office) I find myself thinking of The Power Puff Girls. Hey, you're still better at making memes than I am (though that story will have to wait for now). "IN the books and films, he constantly says he doesn't do romance." Does he ever say he's not an abusive schmuck? Because that would be a bigger lie than the not doing romance thing. They should make "man in love with bread" the topic of the next contest. The reason I didn't respond earlier is I'm dealing with a nasty head cold. I'm already feeling better, and I got some medicine. On a positive note, I was inspired to create a Nasty Head Cold Pokemon team for Pokemon Showdown (Sneezing the Cubchoo, Runny Nose the Beartic, Sinus Headache the Psyduck, Fever the Magmar, Coughing Fit the Koffing, and Sluggishness the Sliggoo). I hadn't thought about it, but they make some interesting comparisons! "To what do you owe your success?" "Potent hallucinogens." "You must be really boring." X-D I also thought of this story I recounted to Vroom and Dorkpool last June. Yesterday I went to the Community Blood Center in Dayton, Ohio to donate. The nurse who took my vitals was named either Dalia or Daria, and at one point she brought up Batman. I jokingly told about a couple unfortunate drawings (from an official DC Comics book) which made Batman look like a heroin addict (One had a utility belt compartment with a first aid kit containing what looked like a hypodermic needle and a wad of cotton, and the other had a satellite Bat Cave with a stove littered with unidentified white packets). She jokingly claimed that Batman got people hooked on heroin (“The first packet is free!”) and that this pusher alter-ego was “Crazy Steve”. We went forth and back adding to the story. I asked, “Does Crazy Steve only wear a mask over the lower part of his face?” and she replied, “Yes, that’s how he gets the tan lines to even out!” I noted, “This is better than anything the comic book companies have come up with in years.” (Dorkpool suggested that she got the "Crazy Steve" name from Atop the Fourth Wall, and having watched some videos I think he's right.) Raidra (talk) 03:27, April 5, 2017 (UTC) Sheeeeeeep!!! Now that we know how to beep beep like a sheep, all that's left is to learn how to run in gangs like goats. Did you know there was a legal battle over those paintings? What happened was some guy's wife or girlfriend made the paintings and he took the credit. They even made a movie about it. I can see that, but this lady was livelier than Daria was. Bringing up the Drake & Josh Crazy Steve made me wonder which came first. It was probably the Drake & Josh version, so maybe Linkara was thinking of him when he called erratic Batman that. I understand. Let me know if you ever decide to go back to it. I thought of something yesterday. I don't think all main Pokemon games have this, but there are the caves that you have to light with flash in order to explore. You go through the cave, and you encounter trainers to battle. The cave was dark before your Pokemon illuminated it. I thought, "Do those trainers just wait around in the dark all day hoping someone will come along for them to challenge?" If that's the case, then all the perennial losers in the Pokemon world (Jessie, James, and Meowth of Team Rocket, Misty's Psyduck, etc.) can all hold their heads high and think, "At least I'm not as pathetic as those guys!" Raidra (talk) 03:09, April 7, 2017 (UTC) Big Eyes in Wonderland It used to be that I had trouble editing on Narutopedia because it wouldn't show the last line of whatever I was typing. I don't know if others had this problem or if it were just me. There was an episode of Animaniacs (a 1990s cartoon) which spoofed The Sound of Music, and the nanny's list of her favorite things included "Pictures of children with really big eyes!" in fact, that's the only line I remember from the song. Last night I rewatched PhantomStrider's countdown of the top ten worst cartoon live action remakes, and I think the Johnny Depp version of Alice in Wonderland was number nine. He noted that the characters seemed obsessed with watching The Mad Hatter dance, so surely this dance must be something great. Then it showed the dance, followed by Strider asking, "That's it?!" I recently saw someone somewhere make a comment about hay and it made me miss Gene Wilder all over again (Young Frankenstein had the part about a roll in the hay). That was you? I had remembered someone saying that before. I'm assuming you didn't have to fight any trainers because they didn't see you? I'm working my way through the Let's Play Pokemon videos of Johneawesome and TheJWittz. I'm mostly through Johne's Pokemon Snap series, and I found out that there are places in which you get Pokemon to evolve by throwing an apple or a pester ball at them and knocking them into a pool. I've seen it happen twice https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYHwxykLako&index=3&list=PLDwjEcGRHRZ5aUrTcfW9XqoKFRgJTCZEt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzQ1791pd60&list=PLDwjEcGRHRZ5aUrTcfW9XqoKFRgJTCZEt&index=5 and I laughed out loud both times. X-D Raidra (talk) 01:37, April 8, 2017 (UTC) Channeling the spirit of Roger Ebert Cool! Interestingly enough I once saw a production of Little Women (as part of a class trip) and hadn't read the book. Actually, I still haven't read the book. I was never really into novels; I'm more into animal books, the Encyclopedia Brown books by Donald J. Sobol, books of weird facts, etc. On one of my blogs on this site I also noted, "When I go to the library, I browse the children's section as well as the adult section because let's face it, children's books are usually funnier, more interesting, better written, and less pretentious with better pictures." All right! Hey, do you remember the half-hour episode of Slappy Squirrel? If not I can tell you about it. Thinking back, I feel the same way. I generally didn't like the Rita & Runt segments because it was usually Runt getting praised for nothing and Rita getting shunned or mistreated for nothing, but there were a few good, and even heartwarming, segments. I hated the Mindy & Buttons segments even more because Buttons would risk his life to save Mindy, and then Mindy's ignorant mother would scold him for some minor thing that wasn't even his fault. I think there were only two segments of that which I liked. X-D Here's the rest of the list if you're interested- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N95f7baE0as. Roger Ebert named his second book of bad movie reviews [http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-movie-sucks-roger-ebert/1100300912?ean=9780740763663 Your Movie Sucks]. The name comes from his review of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, which ended with, "Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks." I realized another problem with Alice in Wonderland. It's neither an adaptation of the original book nor is it a remake of the animated film by Disney. What is it then? It's just a mess. Raidra (talk) 23:04, April 9, 2017 (UTC) Joy for Julia I heard about that and I think it's awesome. I heard she had been in a book or on a website previously, so I'm glad they brought her to the main show & glad they're doing such a good job with the character. I've always had issues with noise too. I'm starting to wonder if I'm autistic too (not just because of that, but also other things). I don't know that getting terrified and running away is the best response in this case. I think the most realistic reaction would be for the protagonist, although fearful and shocked, to try to shrug it off by assuming it must be a different Lorenzo, so I think a better reaction would be looking at the tombstone for several minutes while wondering what in blazes this could mean and wondering if they should ask Roy anything. "Dang it, I just narrowly escaped death from a giant rock snake! After the day I've had, I'm getting in to see this show, no matter what!" Raidra (talk) 21:52, April 11, 2017 (UTC) La-La-Lorenzo Yay! Will this be the whole story, or do you plan to add more to it? In any case, it's looking good. I was partway through the outline when I suddenly realized that the protagonist never had any interaction with Lorenzo. Well, that adds a whole new layer to it! :-O Roy and Becky seem like two damaged people. They're unsettling, but still sympathetic at times. I love how the story has a subtle horror, dealing with the kind of creepy scenarios that happen in real life. I think the end is realistic, and I love how the protagonist is thinking, "I'm outta here!" Ouch! I once accidentally cut myself on a soda can. I don't remember why I stuck my finger into the mouth of can, but I got too close to the edge and yeah, that wasn't fun. Raidra (talk) 13:48, April 12, 2017 (UTC) Dancing in the La-La Land- I mean, Moonlight ~laughs~ I love the Black Critic Guy's reaction to that blunder. I happened to see that when it happened. I heard someone say, "We didn't win, by the way. The real winner is Moonlight." I just thought he was being really gracious, but then he said, "This isn't a joke," and showed the envelope. There were a lot of great memes and tweets about that. Steve Harvey (who accidentally read the name of the wrong contestant at the Miss Universe pageant last year) told the Academy to call him because he could help, and M. Night Shyamalan (known for his twist endings) claimed that he had written the 2017 Oscar presentation. As for other mishaps, the great thing about the Oscar Streaker was David Niven's response to it. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen. But isn't it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?" X-D I still don't know what most of the movies were about, and I really don't care. I'm more interested in daydreaming than I am in modern cinema. I'll see what I can do. Of course I'll pass on any feedback I get. "If you try to steal my french fried onions, you'll pull back a bloody stub!" Yesterday my aunt had a procedure done on her left eye. Her left pupil was dilated for most of the day and I thought, "Oh, my gosh, she looks like David Bowie." Raidra (talk) 23:00, April 13, 2017 (UTC) Five! Five pieces of vampire lore! ~cackles while lightning flashes~ Seriously, though, I really like your vampire lore. It respects previous lore while adding some refreshing and lighthearted touches. I especially like number four (One of the few things a Vampire is weak to is holy items (i.e A Cross, Buhdist's Beads, Holy Water, etc) due to the fact that they're considered Dark-Type a.k.a unholy creatures.) because it shows you get it. I've seen people, trying to be smart alecks, say things like, "Oh, what if a vampire's Jewish?" Um, what? They're soulless corpses who prey on human beings, so they don't really have religious affiliations (nor are they atheistic). By the way, I've read that just like vampires in European tradition are said to fear crosses and holy water, vampires in Islamic tradition are said to fear the voice of the muezzin (a Muslim crier who calls the hour of daily prayers). I don't remember reading about Buddhist vampires, but I do remember stories of creatures being appeased or subdued by holy objects and prayers. Some traditions say that vampires are obsessed with counting things, so a person can distract them by scattering seeds/rice outside the door. I don't know if this inspired Count Von Count on Sesame Street or not. That's a cool superstition. Burger King has (or did have; it's been a while since I've been) notes on some of their fry containers noting that you shouldn't worry if you find a stray onion ring in your fries because that's just an unexpected bonus. Of course, I don't eat onion rings, so I just give any I find to Mom. Brave won over Wreck-It Ralph? Ugh. Raidra (talk) 23:25, April 15, 2017 (UTC) :Oops, I forgot to say, "Happy Easter." ~awkward pause~ Happy Easter! Raidra (talk) 18:21, April 16, 2017 (UTC) Silver Bull I've always found werewolves more interesting too. In fact, I have a number of werebeasts in my comics, both heroic and villainous. They range from traditional ones such as werewolves, werehyenas, and werejaguars to werecreatures created by chemical elixirs or the radiation from strange meteorites. That reminds me of a quiz I read about monsters. It asked who could be killed by silver bullets, and the answer was, "Anybody, though this method is usually associated with werewolves." I think there's one thing that any sensible person can agree on. Vampires & werewolves can make for great villains and/or great sympathetic figures, but they don't make great romantic interests. Terrible Writing Advice did a sarcastic video on why having vampires and werewolves as love interests is an absolutely nonsensical idea. I hope you and your brother are feeling better. I once had a Little Critter book about the pros and cons of Easter. For instance, you got to eat lots of candy, though you had to wait until after church, and sometimes you had trouble seeing past all the ladies' hats. You got to go hunting for Easter eggs, though sometimes you walked right past one and someone else found it. He also said sometimes you had to help younger kids find eggs, though in the next illustration he did look happy as he led a smiling younger boy to an egg, so it looks like he warmed up to the idea. It really was a neat little book which accurately portrayed life through a child's eyes. Raidra (talk) 23:23, April 16, 2017 (UTC) Parallelogram Universe I had three Little Critter books. One (I think) was about Christmas, and the other had Little Critter have a dream in which he turned into a fearsome monster after drinking a homemade potion. He was so fearsome that he drove everyone away. He could do whatever he wanted, but he was miserable because there was no one to tuck him in or read him a bedtime story. Then he woke up safe, in non-monster form, in his loving home. Those were neat little stories, but I eventually gave them to one of my aunts (a babysitter) so she could share them with the next generation. Yes! Thank you! The thing about The Mandela effect is it should be a say of saying, "Oh, isn't it funny how we sometimes misremember things?" When it's used to claim, "Oh, well, this is OBVIOUSLY a sign of parallel universes!" then it becomes really lame. Why is it so freaking difficult for some people to grasp the concept of misremembering and/or misspelling things? I heard the name came from some woman saying she thought she remembered seeing a news story about Nelson Mandela dying in the 1980s (when he only died a couple years ago), and then a friend told her she seemed to remember that too. Claiming, "Oh, there's a parallel universe!" is such a far-out explanation. The most likely explanation is that the woman either A) saw a news report and just mistakenly assumed it was about Mandela (Maybe it was a funeral for some other prominent South African and Mandela was mentioned) or B) had a dream about Mandela (I once had a dream in which one of my favorite athletes died, and my Mom once had a dream that Bill Clinton was about to die. Both are still alive), and her friend either A) saw the same news report/had a similar dream or B) lied about experiencing the same thing just to troll her, and laughed about it afterward. Jeez, people, just admit you got something wrong! I think the passages are great description. There's a lot of evocative detail, allowing the readers to put themselves in Yuki's position. At what point does Kenji discover her living there? I mean, did he know prior to this scene, or has he been out, and he won't discover she's there until later? The scene reminded me of the story in which this guy in Japan discovered that a woman had been secretly living in his apartment for months. He noticed that there were strange noises and food was disappearing. I thought, "Maybe that's why there are so many ghost stories in Japan. Maybe this happens more than we realize." I haven't yet because we've been busy with taxes and other things. I apologize for that. I'll see what I can do today. Raidra (talk) 12:56, April 18, 2017 (UTC) Beauty and the Taxes I have to admit you do make a point. However, there's a certain way to do it. My view is that the beast/monster has to have a human soul/heart. For instance, there's that scene in Beauty and The Beast in which Beast rages and bellows at Belle to get out after she bothered the enchanted rose. After she flees he stops, stares in shock, and then holds his head in remorse, as if to say, "Sweet mercy, what have I done?" The Beast had a beastly appearance and temper, but he still felt emotions such as sorrow, uncertainty, and love. You also need the "beauty on the inside" theme. You'll notice that Disney didn't make the Beast look like a calendar model. Belle came to look past the outside and see what was underneath (which is why she was uncertain about the prince until she saw that he had the Beast's eyes, meaning he really was the same guy she had gotten to know and love) So is it after the scene you just showed, the one with her discovering the fetid bedroom, or does he discover her sleeping & decide to let her sleep, and then she discovers the bedroom? In any case, I really like what you came up with for Kenjiro's father. It shows concern for his son, adds realism, and, like you said, avoids the cliche. I know I mention Roger Ebert a lot, but he hated those cliches too. In his review for [http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/free-style-2009 Free Style] he noted, "Cale and his mother argue about his career track. He dreams of making the professional motocross tour. His mom thinks he should focus on school. I think she's right. But noooo -- he has a Dream. When will there be a film about a motocross racer or skateboarder, say, who decides, the hell with it, I could break my neck. I think I'll just go to college." Thank you, I appreciate that. Like I said, I'll pass on any feedback to you. Raidra (talk) 21:31, April 19, 2017 (UTC) Re: Review I'll try to get around to it this weekend. Unfortunately I'm a bit busy working on a genetics research paper now so it'll take a bit, but I'll do my damnedest to get to it this weekend. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:42, April 21, 2017 (UTC) :I'm just going to assume the dialogue is what you're planning to put in and skip over any errors in the plot outline itself as they likely won't make their way over to the story itself. :Punctuation: Remember that periods should only be used in dialogue if it it the end of a sentence, otherwise you use a comma. "“Hello.(,)” I said.", “Well, I’m feeling a little better but I’m still a bit sore.(,)” I replied.", "“Oh well don’t worry. You won’t be feeling that way for much longer.(,)” Becky chuckled."", etc. :Punctuation cont.: "The protagonist says(comma or colon missing) "That's a lot of work for someone's first day, isn't it?"", "Becky replies with(comma or colon missing) "Well, when you're working on a farm, you gotta put the hours in."", etc. :Wording: "Why, he (is) one of our best farmhands!" There are some other wording issues, but since they're in the outline, I don't think they'll cross over into the story. :Story: "Roy becomes angrier and says, “No no no! I can’t let you do any more work for today!” The protagonist still refuses and Roy runs towards them. The protagonist takes out their pocket knife and points it at Roy." This seems like a massive escalation that is going to need quite a lot of fleshing out for the scene not to feel like a massive jump. This is especially true since the protagonist threatens someone with a knife and they call a day later as if nothing is wrong. :Story: "A couple of days later, they get a response, saying that they like the protagonist's resume and that they can start any time they want." You might want them to do a phone interview or something before giving them the job to make it a bit more realistic. :Story: "he's afraid that Zack might spread rabies it could’ve gotten from the coyote attack to the others, despite getting treatment. The protagonist says that Zack doesn't have rabies since he's not foaming out the mouth." Rabies isn't instant-onset so the protagonist can't know if Zack is infected or not. It actually has a period where no symptoms manifest until a few weeks after infection. Additional fun fact, rabies is almost always fatal once symptoms manifest as the damage has been done. :Story: The twist ("They find out that the grave belongs to Lorenzo Miller, who, according to the epitaph was a, “Hard Working Boy and Loveable Stepson.”(.)") needs quite a bit of work as there really isn't much foreshadowing or hint-dropping in the story. If you're looking for it to have this effect on the protagonists: "Roy tells them to hand over their tool and pays them for the work they did that day. Roy says goodbye and the protagonist does the same. Once they are far enough away from Roy, they run as fast as they can and they eventually arrive at the house. They hop on their bike and pedal away from the farm." you might want to add a bit more to drive home the horror of the situation. I would recommend listening to Tom Waits' "Phantom 309" as it has a similar twist but is a bit more effective with its ending. :Story end: The main issue I see is that there's a lot happening in the story before any real horror elements being. The first real scene that seemed like you were going for a horror/ghost story was six pages in. It might be difficult to hold an audience's attention for that long without protagonist foreshadowing, scene setting, or ominous events occurring. This is especially problematic as this is six pages in to the outline which means it'll likely be longer than that. Finally, the ending needs quite a bit of work as it doesn't really feel like there's any payoff for the protagonist to learn that Lorenzo is a ghost. There isn't a lot of interaction with him and their isn't a lot of backstory into how Lorenzo died. I hope that's enough for you to get some ideas when it comes to writing and revising the plot some. Have a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:05, April 22, 2017 (UTC) ::Sounds good, but I might give a little more before that event at the end to indicate not all may be right around the farm. As for the phone call interview, I remember when I sold some of my stuff on Craigslist I made sure to talk to the person beforehand to get a feel for what I was getting myself into. I just thought I'd point out the mention about rabies for adding a little basis to the story. Best of luck with editing and writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:04, April 22, 2017 (UTC) AAAAHHHH!!!!! I stepped on a thumb tax!!! I don't know why you posted all that since I said I wasn't interested in the story at all, but I will give some feedback this time. I feel that scene makes Yuki look like a terrible person. I'd even go so far as to call her a psychopath. I think it would be better to change the scene entirely. If she feels the need to lie, have her tell a lie that isn't so appalling. That's good! Hopefully it'll get a lot of attention. Did you hear about the Pokemon episode that premiered a couple weeks ago? I involved Litten and Stoutland, and some are calling it the saddest Pokemon episode ever made. Raidra (talk) 23:28, April 21, 2017 (UTC)